Art

Everybody loves Rembrandt, EVERYBODY! Or at least they love the idea of having one whether they can afford one or not. At least 81 of his artworks have been stolen in the last 100 years. Folks grab them where they can, such as the gorgeous Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum in Boston where a pair of gents, dressed up in police drag, gained entry to the museum and quickly absconded with 13 paintings, including three Rembrandts. They were never caught, and the paintings were never found. Some sticky-fingered gents walked right in the Ritz-Carlton in Marina del Rey, CA, a few months ago and walked right out with a $250,000 Rembrandt sketch that wound up on a church pew a few days later (it must not have matched their couch).

Now, while everyone loves Rembrandt today, I must say that sentiment wasn’t shared by his neighbors and townsfolk back in his own time. You think artists have it bad in this economy? You would have felt right at home back in Rembrandt’s day. His creditors obviously didn’t love him that much since they forced him into bankruptcy, and he had to sell his house and everything he owned — kind of like a recent art world figure here in the Triangle. 

Seems that Mr. R. really liked to go shopping for pretty baubles — rare minerals, paintings, antiquities, jewels (who doesn’t?), and he had a hard time keeping up with his mortgage (sound familiar?), so in the end he was reduced to having his common law wife lie and claim that the late Mr. R. was dead to collectors to drive up prices. He also had one of his sons go around with “stolen” Rembrandt sketches and offer them for “look-what-fell-off-the-truck” prices. And, to add insult to injury, he wound up so broke that they had to rent a grave for him when he died and now no one has any idea of where his poor bones wound up.

Knowing what a hard time Rembrandt had back in his day, I started thinking about his recent exhibition at our own North Carolina Museum of Art (www.ncartmuseum.org). It promises to be the largest collection of Rembrandt paintings ever presented in an American exhibition — and the only East Coast venue.

They have big Rembrandts, small Rembrandts, Rembrandt sketches, Rembrandt etchings and probably Rembrandt Whitening Toothpaste in the restrooms. They even have Rembrandts that were not really Rembrandts that people paid top dollar Rembrandt money for and wound up being discredited later by museum curators (you know how they are). 

All this for your entrance price of $18. Eighteen dollars! Now I don’t know about you, but $18 to go see Rembrandt isn’t the first thing that pops into my mind, especially in this economy. That’s about the price for a “seared La Belle Farms’ foie gras with candied bacon, house-pickled tomatoes and Millarckee Farm’s arugula” at Elaine’s on Franklin in Chapel Hill (www.elainesonfranklin.com) or TWO bottles of Carneros Creek Reserve Pinot Noir at Trader Joe’s. I even found a pair of cashmere socks on eBay for that amount, so looking around for a good deal is smart thinking. 

If I had young children that started hollering that they wanted to see Rembrandt, I’d smile, look them in the eye and ask them if they would rather see Rembrandt or eat. Then I would take them down to K&W Cafeteria where we would plop down some mashed potatoes to make a face, two peas for eyes, a carrot for a nose and some fried squash for a jaunty beret cocked at just the right angle. Tasty gravy would add that all important Chiaroscuro shading so necessary in art from the period, and a background of iceberg lettuce would frame the portrait with flourishes that heralded the upcoming Baroque period. “There’s your Rembrandt,” I’d say, “start your art appreciation now.”

To be fair, the museum does offer free admission for children under 6, and on Fridays after 5 p.m. college kids can get in free as well (with appropriate ID of course). And as always, the museum is kind to old people, who after age 65 can push their walkers all over the place for only 15 smackaroos as opposed to 18, leaving you with 3 bucks to indulge Wendy’s fantastic 99 cent menu on your drive back home. Seeing beautiful art always works up an appetite. Go see for yourself!