Between You and Me
We are now caught up in “The Holidays.” That is “holidays” with an “s” because the pace of our society has accelerated. We have lost the ability to celebrate one holiday — Thanksgiving, pause, and then savor the next — Christmas. We have bundled them together and created a two-month period of high activity and low productivity.
As for me, I have long believed that Thanksgiving and Christmas come far too close together. This may be a common feeling among people like me who have lived for an extended period of time some distance from home — home being that place where the family gathers on these special occasions. Creating holidays that call for making the trek back home for two major gatherings within the course of about 30 days seems like ill planning at best. And how about the desire to see and visit with family and friends during the other 11 months? If Thanksgiving and Christmas must be so close together, suppose we reversed the order. Christmas first and then Thanksgiving. I know this proposal would addle religious literalists who would argue that if the Bible says Jesus was born on December 25 (it is in there someplace, isn’t it? in one of the Gospels?), then that is that. We have to celebrate his birthday on December 25. We can’t change it.
But with enough money, I bet we could prove that Jesus was actually born on the fourth Thursday in November, even though there was neither a November nor a December when Jesus was born. This raises a question I have never pondered before — when did we get our current months of the year? Since earliest time we have divided time by lunar cycles. But when did the months get their names? I know they were in place when Chaucer wrote his Canterbury Tales in the 14th Century, beginning with “When fair April with his showers sweet….”
My proposal is not as unreasonable as it sounds. And if it is unreasonable, there is nothing new or inherently bad about tilting at windmills. There are people who have spent great fortunes and their professional careers trying to prove that Shakespeare did not write the plays attributed to him. I am reminded of this fact each time I go to Oxford, Mississippi and see the Gertrude Castellow Ford Performing Arts Building on the Ole Miss campus. Supposedly my very wealthy “Cousin Gertrude” (my grandmother was a Bertie County Castellow so we must be kin) funded efforts to try to solve the Shakespeare mystery.
But why switch the holidays? I make my argument in seismographic terms. Christmas is the greater event and Thanksgiving is the lesser — sort of like an earthquake and the after shock. If getting together with family at Christmas doesn’t open old wounds and completely destroy complex relationships, then the aftershock of Thanksgiving will. If you think I have lost sight of the meaning of Thanksgiving. I have not. Having Thanksgiving last gives one more great reason for giving thanks. You can thank God that Christmas and all the surrounding hubbub is over.
I have another great fear. We already have rolled Thanksgiving and Christmas together. That’s bad in my eyes. Now we may be about to create the Holiday Trinity. Halloween has become one of the nation’s most popular celebrations, generating billions of dollars in economic activity and causing people to do absolutely ridiculous things in their carefully manicured yards. This celebration has overtaken Thanksgiving. It is just a matter of time, in my opinion, before “The Holidays” will include Halloween, and we will have a three-month period of high energy. Serial celebrants will in a frenzy switching bales of hay and witch cut-outs for strings of lights and Santa Claus blow-ups. “Dear, are we doing pumpkins now or a Christmas tree?” But, stop. A Holiday Trinity would be an unholy thing. Halloween is rooted in a 2,000-year-old pagan Celtic celebration that the Catholic Church tried without success to pre-empt with its All Saints Day. The Druids beat the Priests in this religious jousting contest, and the whole senseless mess got rolled together in a celebration that prompts moms to dress their kids up in cute costumes and take them begging. It just wouldn’t do to have the Holiday Trinity book ended by a pagan celebration at the beginning and a Christian celebration at the other. Lord only knows what the manger scene would look like if all this got confused. Joseph could end up being dressed as a dower-faced pilgrim, blunderbuss in hand, and the Virgin Mary costumed as a ballerina. The crèche might be a haunted house, and Lord only knows what the three Wise Men would arrive costumed as – rubbah dub dub, three men in a tub? The angels could come as themselves. We have seen a million of those little darlings knocking on doors on Halloween. Wouldn’t that be sight on the front lawn of the Baptist Church? And think about the traffic problems the drive-bys would create. Since I have started writing I have had another notion about holidays. It’s about poor Columbus. Poor Columbus, you ask? Yes, bless his heart, “poor Columbus.” He is honored with his own day every year and hardly anyone seems to notice except federal employees, who hold dear every federal holiday — they take off for holidays the rest of us don’t even know exist — and the Knights of Columbus who use it as an excuse for a fancy dress parade.
Poor Columbus, he made a dreadful miscalculation, stumbled across the New World and then made history by having the only holiday that celebrates an accident created in his honor. But we can retrieve poor Columbus from the celebratory trash. Let’s rename his day, “OMG! Day” and celebrate all the colossal mishaps in our individual lives and our nation’s history — for example, Kennedy’s Bay of Pigs, Carter’s helicopter crash in the desert and Dick Cheney’s shooting his hunting companion. Columbus could be rediscovered and transformed into the Patron Saint of the Gauche, the Accident Prone, and the Profoundly Misdirected. And we could use the same day to honor the creation of the Internet and the not-so-hip-now high tech acronym OMG! Hidden in legislation creating the holiday will be a provision forbidding federal employees from observing it and eliminating several of their other paid holidays.
I don’t know why I am obsessing about holidays. At this point in life, every day is like a holiday to me. When I feel like working, I do it on my own schedule and usually on my own terms. My computer is just steps from my bed. I have no traffic to fight in the mornings and the exclamation, “Thank God it’s Friday,” never comes from my lips. I lock my door on Halloween and dare children to knock. When I start missing those dearest to me, I don’t have to wait for Thanksgiving or Christmas, I just call or go to see them. Though I would love to sit down at a table laden with food my mother prepared for Thanksgiving and Christmas, there are few things that I cannot come reasonably close to duplicating in my own kitchen if I get a craving for collards, potato salad, string beans, country ham, sweet potato casserole, turkey and oyster dressing. I do wish I could master the meringue that she put on her Christmas plantation sweet potato pie, but I know that will never happen.
This said, nothing can take the place of family — brothers and sister-in-laws at this point in time — sitting around the table commenting on the good eats, sharing remembrances and calling up memories of those family members who have gone on.
So, thanks for holidays that bring us together, wherever they may fall on the calendar. Be whimsical and take flights of fantasy on Halloween. I hope you were thankful on Thanksgiving. And please have a very Merry Christmas.
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